We’ve all been there, the dreaded difficult conversation with your boss. You’re nervous, anxious, and then you clam up, get emotional, or just agree with everything she says. You leave the conversation feeling defeated and like a punk.

Whatever the topic, it is possible for you to speak your mind without being overly emotional, get your point across, and even get your way.

Open with positivity.  Remember, difficult ≠negative. Starting on a positive note helps the person sitting across from you to let his or her guard down.  If you think the conversation is going to be a difficult one, chances are they think so too, and have arrived to your chat with their dukes up.  “I appreciate you meeting with me” or “Thank you for ____” are great conversation starters.  Even if you aren’t feeling very positive, take some time to think about at least one positive point you can bring to the conversation.

Stick to the facts.  Subjective statements like “I think” or “I feel” are open to interpretation and create a space for a disagreement to form.  Sticking to the facts forces both participants to focus on concrete facts and not debating opinions and feelings. Feelings are usually what make a conversation go south, not facts.

Ask open ended questions.  Questions are such a powerful communication tool. Open ended questions allow both participants to share feedback and keep the communication lines open.  For example, you get a raise that was less than what you were hoping for, try asking something like “How was my raise determined?”  You’ll get much more useful, actionable information than if you simply asked, “Why?”

Propose an alternative.  Before you have your discussion, think about a few ideal and reasonable outcomes. After you open with positivity, focus on the facts, and gather some new information through your open ended questions propose one of your well thought out reasonable outcomes.

Mastering the art of having tough talks is key to a successful career.  You don’t have to be nervous to speak your mind or turn into a jellyfish every time you have to address something with your boss.  The next time you get nervous about a difficult discussion- don’t! You got this!

Greatness Awaits,

Ashley